Tourette's cockatoo

Bird upset about getting back in its cage or some such unleashes a sweary pottymouth torrent that would raise eyebrows at the FCC.

"Love and dignity cannot share the same abode." -- Ovid

Dramatic change

It's Oscar time, and the magic of editing will be in and on the air. Check out the trailer for "Dumb and Dumber" recut as a drama and decide whether it would be Oscar-worthy.

"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder." -- Alfred Hitchcock

Cough drop

Apparently on the campaign trail in Washington or Colorado, Hillary Clinton hits a bong and unlike Bill leaves no doubt about whether she inhaled.

And an interactive site called Trump Donald that lets you blast a virtual trumpet at a virtual Mr. Trump.

"I can resist everything except temptation." -- Oscar Wilde

Peak-a-boo

Climb any mountain and like the David Lama you too could get some incredible first-person POV footage of a climbing expedition at 22,000 feet on the Nepal/Tibet border.

And even Dali would be weirded out by these bizarre Google Maps glitches in the stitching of its 360-degree Photo Spheres.

"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." -- T. S. Eliot

Escalation

And then there's this video, where an escalator "eats" a woman alive. Also in China, but with far worse consequences. (Thanks Mr. G)

(One comment worth noting: "It'll be hungry again in 30 minutes".)

Going up?

Escalator in China suddenly throws itself in reverse and creates a human avalanche that ruins a few peoples' mornings. (Note to self: Take the stairs.)

"Lazy people tend not to take chances, but express themselves by tearing down other's work." -- Ann Rule

Double black diamond

French pro freestyle skier Candide Thovex uses his formidable talent to escape what seems like certain disaster by skiing over, under, and through just about everything in his path for one thrilling flirt-with-death run.

"In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few." -- Suzuki

Roger that

If you're one of the dwindling "landline" households that's sick of telemarketers calling, Jolly Roger Telephone Co. has the answer in the form of an interactive robot that parries with the caller until he gives up. [KCCI]

Also, some use out of your monitored customer service call... they found out the fastest talkers by state and the results may surprise you.

"The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race." -- Don Marquis

To the letter

Zip Zaps wired up a bunch of servo motors to a voice-recognition system and an old mechanical typewriter, and voila... a robotronic dictation machine that seems straight out of "Brazil".

"Tradition is a guide and not a jailer." -- W. Somerset Maugham

Shooting stars in the snow

Night skiers look like men on fire as they set off on a sally down the slopes in LED-covered snowsuits.

"The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper." -- Bertrand Russell

Part and parcel

Arrow FiveYearsOut has this auto parts-made one-minute Rube Goldberg machine that's even more interesting than usual, with an ending you do not expect.

And waste some time and try your hand at finding the magic words. Dog gone it, I swear to God this was rad.

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." -- Douglas Adams

Crushing victory

It's 67 feet long and 10 feet in diameter, weighs 67,000 pounds and holds 30,000 gallons, but watch how this giant steel tanker implodes at the hands of the Mythbusters crew and science. (Heat the inside, let it cool, and it collapses like a soda can due to the difference in air pressure.)

"College isn't the place to go for ideas." -- Helen Keller

Handiwork

He's only been playing for 18 months, so these are without a doubt some impressive piano skills for a man born without fingers. And between sleeping, eating, relaxing, etc., -- how do you spend your time compared with the "average American"?

"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these." -- George Washington Carver

In-spiring

The climbing daredevils known as On The Roofs have again risked their lives for the ultimate selfie, this time on a spire 1,260 feet atop the Shun Hing Tower in Shenzhen, China.

"Believe you can and you're halfway there." -- Theodore Roosevelt

Hold your tongue

Brace yourself for the Slo Mo Guys showing us what it's like to get your tongue snapped in a mousetrap in excruciating slow-motion. Some serious dedication to the job (or whatever they call what these guys do).

And more snap chat, the UK's Advertising Standards Agency refused to uphold complaints about this allegedly offensive poster used by a Vietnamese restaurant to advertise their noodle night.

"All morons hate it when you call them a moron." -- J. D. Salinger

Way off

Want to drive over and through anything, including an icy river? Then you need the Russian Sherp ATV, which features remarkable capabilities for navigating the untamed wilderness. Off-road doesn't really even begin to describe it (though Slashgear does).

"An ant on the move does more than a dozing ox." -- Lao Tzu

Lace down

Save yourself time getting dressed. Amaze and impress your friends. Here's how to make your shoelaces appear to tie themselves.

And, you autocomplete me... guy uses Google autocomplete to fill out his dating profile for possibly the best (and most unbiased) one ever.

"This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last." -- Oscar Wilde

Poetry in motion

Unreal-looking footage of a paraglider sky-sailing against the breathtakingly beautiful backdrop of the Aurora Borealis.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." -- E. M. Forster

Mistaken identity

News blooper of the day is this Turkish reporter accidentally using a large mushroom for microphone during an on-air interview. Clearly an honest mistake.

And a challenging quiz... who said it, Irish writer James Joyce or rapper Kool Keith?

"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well." -- Robert Louis Stevenson

Hail Mary

One last fling with a "Bad Lip Reading" installment parodying the NFL, with neither players, coaches, nor officials spared the nonsensical lip-sync'ing gibberish.

"You can't let your past hold your future hostage." -- LL Cool J

Climb doesn't pay

A German tourist got a rare (and illegal) view from the top of the Great Pyramid of Giza, eight minutes up and 20 down to be greeted by the po-lice.

"The worst guilt is to accept an unearned guilt." -- Ayn Rand

The dirty half-dozen

When a prank involves smashing eggs on someone's head, 6 for £30 more specifically, you know it's not going to end pretty.

And take a quick quiz to see what kind of drunk you are -- Ernest Hemingway, Mary Poppins, The Nutty Professor, or Mr. Hyde.

"You don't understand anything until you learn it more than one way." -- Marvin Minsky

Frosty the Terminator

Big advancement in winter battle technology with this leaf blower-based snowball machine gun, which includes a 15-round "magazine". Now all you need is a factory to make ammo.

"Winter is not a season, it's an occupation." -- Sinclair Lewis

Extreme selfie

If you've ever wanted to try parkour, this first-person freerunning video from Will Sutton will show you what it's like in an up-close and personal way. Pretty fair filming, image stabilization or not.

"There are many ways of going forward, but only one way of standing still." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Two-fer

Two guys disguised as one stout and corpulent fellow go to lengths (and girths) to sneak themselves into a movie theater, all predicated on the assumption that no one dare ask a "big man" whether his ample abdomen was secretly another person.

"The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend." -- Henry David Thoreau

Accent grave

This fellow edited up Donald Trump with a tough-guy cockney accent. No words were changed, but the accent gives a whole different vibe to his delivery.

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. To be your own man is hard business. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." -- Rudyard Kipling