Good news

"Grease-Covered Florida Man Found Stuck In Store Window; Tells Deputies He Needs To Poop" and other real Sunshine State news headlines, courtesy of a guy who should know.

And phones replaced with sandwiches, a nirvana we only can hope for.

"To a philosopher all news, as it is called, is gossip, and they who edit and read it are old women over their tea." - Henry David Thoreau